just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
