My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
