I cockslap morals
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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