Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
