Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
