no, he came in my armpit
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
