are you still at the devil's house?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
