I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
