sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
