all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize