It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
