ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
