I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
