i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
