My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
