and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
