I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize