She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
