So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she told me i tasted like america
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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