i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
