I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
