I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
