we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
