I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
