She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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