Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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