Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i drank out of a bidet.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
