ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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