I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize