You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I could fuck to npr.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
