hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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