I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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