kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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