That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
