last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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