WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
