i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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