Apparently you make a good broom.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
