Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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