i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
