I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
