I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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