if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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