Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I need to sanitize my soul.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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