You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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