Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
