I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
