I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i believe in u and ur pee
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