Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
