Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
