Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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