it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
