I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
