Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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