do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I CAN MOONWALK!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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