just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
