haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
