i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
