these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
