I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize