I puked a lego.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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