check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
