Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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