i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
