it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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