Her vagina should come with caution tape.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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