All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Randomize
