I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
