we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She bit a glass in half.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
