It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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