She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
