evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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