$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
