I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
