Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My ATM looks so different sober.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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