so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
