Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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