I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
