friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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