friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
