Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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