party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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