is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
