My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
